Remember the times

I’m up doing my morning thing texting mad people “Good Morning”, lol

So I have an update, Ms. Mabeline 💄 is currently in Jamaica with a bad signal, so her response to me was delayed due to that. I feel so much better knowing she didn’t just ignore me. She said, “Congratulations. I’m so proud of you!” 🤩😍

She’s in Jamaica with her primary who is also her best friend, weird I know. Personally, I would never do anything to risk a friendship like try to date a friend. Especially, if said friend is very important to me and very present in my life… I tend to believe friendship has a better chance of being for forever than romantic relationships. 

Anyway. Ms. Mabeline 💄 and her uglass best friend girlfreind are seriously on the rocks, which means they’ll soon have to make a decision on if they can at least maintain their friendship. Time will tell. I happen to detest the best friend. Whenever me and Ms. Mabeline 💄 were an official item back in the day the best friend was a thorn in my ass and she let it be known that she hated me. Now, I see it was just jealousy, smh… 

Speaking of on the rocks 🤣🤷🏽‍♀️ me and Ms. Straight Gurl are winding down it seems. While we may not fully work as girlfriends we definitely work everywhere else. We’re great roommates, great friends, super travel buddies, one another’s ride or die. I’m trying to convince her to let us keep and maintain the parts of our relationship that work. Like I still want her to be part of my daily life. She said its unconventional, which it is because I am. But it just makes zero sense to me for either of us to lose love. support and companionship simply because right now we don’t match as a romantic couple. I am going to be consistent and do my best to make her feel comfortable with remaining my non romantic life-partner… would be a dream come true. 

I feel the urge to write. Not like I am writing right now more like creative more expressive writing or poetry. I used to write poetry like crazy. Here’s an oldie but goodie: 

It’s entitled Suffering, written after watching the movie Amistad….

“Nobody knows.... like the black person

Abused and beaten

By the master her family is threatened

By force or idea she then lays with him

To surrender her sugar walls

Is the only way she can

calm, ease and appease him

What other race of women

Can sleep with the enemy literally

And still cary on for the sake of her family?

Times begin to change

But the situational irony and slavery

Are one and the same

She's a "freed" woman who

Carries her masters last name

And his seed

So separate but "equally"

We transition to another form

Of state sanctioned tragedy

Old Jim Crow and his rules dictate that we

Move to the back of the bus for a seat

Through the back of the restaurants

Legally we eat

Whites only signs 

Are avoided cautiously

Her kids are latchkey

Cuz her live in profession

Is playing fewking Mami

To some over privileged whitey 

Just so her 5 at home can eat.

Torn from her grip was her God given identity

As the masses finally succeed

In convincing her that white equals beauty, 

And kinky hair is ugly

And un-lady like

Not to mention socially unacceptable

So she burns it with heat and chemicals

To pretend that straight is how it really grows

While slipping from her grasp

Any culture or heritage that was original

At the time it was all very practical

Because survival mandates the need to assimilate

Nobody knows suffering like a black man

Trees whipped across his back

Until his beautiful brown skin

Is convinced to crack

And along with that

His soul, heart, mind and spirit.

No longer the head of his family

They use his body

To impregnate and generate

More negro slave workers

To buy, sell or give away. 

He watches helplessly as white men

Rape his mother, wife and children

It is Him who defined this word suffering

Is it any wonder then

Why our black brothers

Still endure lives of tragedy, captivity and incarceration

When their entire American foundation

Was built on degradation? 

We are the new brand of Negro

Rising stars of a minstrel show…”

Ashe *snap, snap, snap* 🤣

Now, thinking about my last phone call with mom dukes. She was recalling a story from her youth and she mentioned being with her grandmother and going to the “colored” entrance of an establishment. If I did the math I wouldn’t have been shocked to know she lived in the Jim Crow era. Those laws were enforced until 1965. My mother would have been 14 years old. That’s 14 years of kkk ass treatment. It’s shocking. I plan to chronicle a timeline of events, which occured during my mother’s youth and like, interview her about it. I need to know what she saw, how she felt, what it was like… to be such a loving lovely spirit and also be so hated, despised and mistreated. So that’s a project on the horizon…

It’s 5:56am… bad dog is walked, fed, watered and chillaxin. Ms. Straight Gurl is snoring… and I have bishes to attend to 🤣

Til later gator! 

U