Poured into much?

 

I’ve been chatting with Ms. Uganda for past few days. She’s a teacher and a community herbalist… She says she can help my hypothyroidism and fatigue… we shall see… 

I’m thinking of visiting her there… in Uganda… that would be so friggin cool… flight prices are decent ($1,200) and so is the lodging($800 a month)… She says I should bring bad dog🐶, which is exciting but the flight time looks like its 24 hours… I have no idea if bringing her is even possible… but i need to get on the ball and look into it… Bad dog is mine, periodt pooh…. and I like to travel, which means she’s gonna need to like travel too… 🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyway…….. my mind is on a clean slate… I decided that I’m going to silently fade to black on the people, who it doesn’t serve me to know…

no grand exit, 

no goodbye speeches, 

no loud departure, 

just me moving forward and dassit… 

Ms. Mexicana is a liability…. and can’t afford her own groceries… 

Ms. Mabeline 💄 is a liability… and seemingly can’t afford her lifestyle altogether… 

Ms. Nigeria is a liability… and disappeared after I helped her. 

Ms. Hatian Cheater Liar Thief…. is literally the biggest opportunist and worst person I know of. She can push up daisies as far as I am concerned… 🌼

Off the top of my head those are the people who create a deficit in my world…  and basically, every opportunist I know can eat my dust cuz i’m out… 🏃🏽‍♀️

Thank you Ms. E for putting me on the straight and narrow 🙌🏽

Now, thinking about my dear realtor friend Ms. Scorpio… i am going to text her shortly cuz she’s a for real ride or die… plus, she’s the type of wife anyone would be blessed to have… She and her husband Mr. Aquarius, cater to one another….. and it took up until last night for me to recognize how beautiful that is… and how lucky they both are… 

The only person who ever catered to me was Ms. Haitian Cheating Liar Thief. She was a pure slob but I have to admit that she cooked for both of us breakfast and dinner daily for years… I never had to think about my meals… I miss that… but was it worth it? I dunno 🤷🏽‍♀️… 

Ms. E and I got to chatting about reciprocity in relationships… I tend to give exponentially more than I get but that right there, is a trend of the past. It’s tricky because honestly, I don’t need or really want a damn thing from anyone… I’m a very self contained bitch. But I have to admit that the people I pour into must also, in some way, pour into me. Fair is fair ⚖️

So am I being poured into? In some relationships, yes. In others, no. 

Does Ms. Straight Gurl pour into me? I mean she is super supportive but i don’t know if that means she’s pouring into me… I dunno… 🤷🏽‍♀️

What does it look like to be poured into? That’s the question I need to answer…. 

The aforementioned opportunists suck the life outta me rather than pour in… My homie Mrs. Complicated pours into me support, knowledge, friendship and chosen family-hood. She makes me feel important in her life. Ms. E definitely pours into me. Her presence and huge energy serves to uplift me every time she is near… I mean she’s like a personal cheerleader… always reminding me of how amazing she thinks I am ☺️… When an amazing person thinks you’re amazing too, its like magical fairy dust falling from the sky… 🌈

Back to me and Ms. Straight Gurl… Do I pour into her? I hope so, but the fact that I am unsure is not a great sign. She and I operate super independently. The freedom is my life’s blood. But every now and again I crave interdependence instead of independence. 

Interdependence: the dependence of two or more people or things on each other. 

Do we have that? 🧐

Minimally we have some semblance of it, I think… If she buys food then she’ll also buy some for me. If I am broke I know she will CashApp me without me even asking. She totally believes in me and everything I am a part of… Sometimes I feel she believes in me more than she believes in herself… but thats a whole other issue.

In some ways we have interdependence but in many ways we don’t… 

Lordt, here comes trouble a.k.a Ms. Duchess 🐶 😩😂… whining like only she does… let me put this bitch outside…

Later, 

U